Moving on: posted my baby crap on Craigslist

Not ready for this. Ugh.
On an even suckier note, still have no period. Clomid really f,ed with me there. Not ovulating I guess equals no period. Ugh. Now I am sporting the maxi pad just in case. You know. So I don't bleed all over myself during a lecture on parallelism or thesis statements.
Gahhhh

No O

I had cd21 bloodwork done to confirm ovulation and, you guessed it, I did not ovulate. My OPKs were all blinky smiles, which means I have yet to ovulate. For real? I've had mucho sex and  used a looootttt if preeseed. I suppose this is probable. I am 40 now. Not ovulating is probably what happens sometimes. I think. Ugh.

When flow shows , I'll be upped to 100mg of clomid. We'll see what happens then.

Feel like I'm chasing a dream. Like I'm crazy desperate and can't let go.
Like, give it up, old lady. You're dried up!
Ugh.

It's not over

Popped a clomid last night. My OB gave me the RX for 50 mg during days 5-9. Yes I know what you're thinking.

I'm thinking it too.

Back from beta 7dp5dt or 7dp6dt (not sure exactly)*****updated****

I just returned from my beta blood draw. It won't be back for a few more hours. I tested yesterday afternoon and it was stark white (internet cheapies), so I am pretty confident this cycle is also a bust. I spent yesterday pretty much a blubbering mess and was super pissy at DH for being somewhat insensitive. Ugh.

I will be getting the dreaded phone call sometime in the next few hours. I instructed the nurse to just leave it on my voice mail, as I will be unavailable from 10-12 for commencement ceremonies.

Gah! I felt (still feel) an enormous amount of sadness to be on the BFN end of now two IVF FET cycles, but even more sadness for those women who do multiple IVFs and FETs without ever seeing a BFP. I didn't really know what this type of sadness is/was until recently, and wow, it hurts.

And as everyone is so (annoyingly at times) insistent on telling me is that I have my two boys, (yes, I know this), it doesn't make the losses, the BFNs, any better. I wanted to grow my family, and I fucking cannot.
-------/------------

Negative.

Transfer Complete

Two blasts made it. One was an expanded blast, and one was a regular one. The third did not survive.

I am happy, resting, and thinking happy thoughts.

Tuesday Transfer

Tuesday is the day of the FET. I am a bit indifferent to it all. I did a good job not dwelling on it all these past weeks, but the butt PIO shots really make one not forget!

We are still on for thawing the last of the 3 and transferring what is left. No judgment, please. I know this is risky, and part of me feels foolish for doing so. But last transfer of 2 perfect blasts and BFN?

Success for FET after a successful fresh are statistically lower.

And in my heart I don't believe all three are going to make it to a baby.

My prediction (since I am Nostradamus) is that one will not survive the thaw so we'll only have two left.

Of those two, one will attach and split.

Ha! Obsess much?

That's where I am putting my money. After all, this is "My Vegas."

Beta is on the 16th or 17th (can't recall).

Cheers, y'all!

Weird good or weird bad? Or just weird?

I start Lupron tomorrow, 11/12. Last cycle I started it on 9/12.


Um, is this cycle going to be day for day the same? If so, is that good or bad? I mean in a boogie-voodoo-jinxsie way?


Don't answer that.


Well at least I should know around the exact date of my transfer then. Off to go line up daycare.