It's back on

After a weekend of drinking heavily (after the boys went to bed, of course), I grieved and began bargaining with my husband about our last three blastocysts. I felt as though I was deceiving him since the decision to do this most recent failed FET meant that no matter what the outcome, we were done. However, I backed out of that and spent Saturday and Sunday bargaining, being logical: hubs' main concern is the money, and dumping money into ART.

"What's another $4000 really mean over a 45 year life span. Pennies, I say."

or

"If we freeze for a couple of years, that is $1000, and then if we decide to destroy, that means another $500 to transfer to another state (our state will not allow the destroying of embryos). So really, this FET is only going to cost $2500."

or

"We can just stop contributing to the boys' 529s for one year and have this FET paid for."

or

"Let's cancel the house phone and the water delivery. That's $1500 dollars right there that can pay for this FET"

and, my favorite

"If I am no longer trying to get pregnant then I probably will start dying my hair and getting regular mani/pedis, which will cost around $2000 for one year. So really, this FET will only be costing $2000."

and on and on.

Then I got real. I said to him, "If you are done family building, then I will shut up and leave it alone forever. Please be honest and tell me what you think."

And he said he wasn't done. He wants more kids.

And I cried. And I promised him that this means NO fresh IVF. Once more with FET.

Once more. And here I was, months ago, fretting over transferring two and getting twins.

We are on for a December transfer of the last 3 if they thaw and survive.

Today was day one of heavy flow, so I called the RE and will begin BC pills Sunday.

It's on.

But I am probably not going to post much about it.

In fact, I know I will not be HPT testing either.

This cycle is going to go down quietly.

I'll post when/if I feel the desire,

I hope you are around in December.