CD1, yup

Blood test result is negative, and AF came roaring on about 2 hours ago.

Nice. Oh well. At least I can party it up this weekend at my friend's bachelorette party.

Thanks, y'all for your love and support. I know you know how much this blows.

CD34, how much longer?

How long do results from a blood test take? I took the test yesterday at 2:00 and I haven't heard from the doc and it's already 4:21 today.

No, I am not peeing on a stick.

The waiting....

CD 33, testing today

I tested last night and it was a BFN. I didn't test this morning because I forgot (nice job, duh!), so I called my regular OB and scheduled a blood test for 2PM today. Let's get this over with, I say!

CD 32, the universe is f&%$Ing with me...

Yup, CD 32 and still nothing. I didn't test today because I woke up in the middle of the night to pee and had nothing this morning. I'll test tomorrow morning. I also didn't temp this morning because of the late night getting-up.

More tomorrow.

CD 31, and a BFN

Last night I got the courage to go get some tests and a basal thermometer since I tossed the last one out in an infertility fit back a few months ago. Anyway, my bbs are still sore and full, but other than that, I have no AF symptoms. I am sporting a nice yeast infection I think, so I added some of that medicine to my shopping list last night. So, $60 later, I got home with a box of three EPT tests (I usually buy First Response but I figured that since those never work for me, why not try a new brand). I woke around 6 AM and took my temp. It was 97.9 which is normally post-ovulation temp, but who knows since I haven't temped this cycle or any since my last fit. The I went to the bathroom to do the dirty deed and it was not positive. I think 31 days is the longest I have ever gone before in terms of my cycle days, so WTF? This is unusual for me, and of course, like any good infertile, I have been obsessing about it.

Sigh

Back to the classrooms tomorrow. I am not particularly looking forward to it, though. I want one more week of vacation...Alas, though, because I am on a plane Friday morning to see my friends up north where the temps should only be in the low 80s during the day and the 60s at night. I'll need to bring a sweater!!!

CD 29, IVF consult a bust!

So we basically walked out of our consult after waiting in the consult room for 45 minutes with no doctor!! WTF? Firstly, we drove through tropical depression style rains, dodging puddles of water and asshole drivers, then we sat in the waiting room for 15 minutes past our appointment time, then we were whisked away to the consult room where we waited for 45 minutes. DH has to get to work, and I had enough of the waiting!!!! Grrr...So I went to the nurses station where they were all chatting it up and asked to be rescheduled for another time. Grrrr....I know Dr. S was there because I heard her, but why can't they come in periodically to let us know it will be a few more minutes. Grrr....



I got the packet, though, and the magic number for this clinic is just under 10k for IVF, not including the STD testing and the like we have to go through before we can begin. WTF? Why didn't we have to do all this testing before like when we were getting IUIs? Oh, and what, like 3-4K for meds? WTF!!!!

India IVF is beginning to look real attractive now.

Or maybe it is just this: I am almost 36 and I have never been pregnant. I am a lone fucking infertile with little hope, feeling discarded today by the doctor and the nurses and even DH, and maybe it IS true what they say about natural selection and that I am not meant to reproduce because I should just die off. And maybe DH can go get himself another fucking lay who is much younger and he can reproduce for free, and maybe this whole fucking "business" of getting pregnant is just not for me. Maybe it is.

Fuck!

CD 28, a post in which I begin to lose my mind...

So here I am, CD 28, and no signs of AF. Either this TCM really works wonders, or I am preggo. Ha! My mind is playing tricks on me. I am due for AF either tomorrow, Saturday, or Sunday, and I am not testing any time sooner. This whole shebang sucks! I mean, here I am, convinced that I must be pregnant since I am not spotting or having any PMS signs, yet my acupuncturist told me this is how it is supposed to be: I am not supposed to spot a week before AF, and I am not supposed to spot mid-cycle, but why can't my brain embrace that? Why is it that I want to believe this is the super cycle, the one where I miraculously get knocked up? I mean, tomorrow is my IVF consult with dr. S and the hubs. Isn't this suppose to be the storybook happy ending? I get knocked up on my own and find out the day I have IVF consult? WTF? There is no zen to all of this! I just have to wait and wait, and my stupid mind that believes I am knocked up will only hurt me in the long run when I wake up Sat or Sun morning with bright red blood streaming from me. This totally sucks. This all totally sucks!!! Sucks sucks sucks! I hate that I am always sad and disappointed monthly for the past three years or so. I am not sure how much more I can take!