Due date!

And still waiting. This sciatica thing has me walking like one of Michael Jackson's Thriller zombies. Or like Tony Soprano's Russian mistress, Svetlana. I am literally dragging my right leg as I walk.

I had an acupuncture appointment yesterday to help cure this pain. I feel better today, but in no way am I able to walk far distances.

I have no other labor signs other than pretty regular BH. Bebe is still kicking and punching my right side, mostly when I am trying to fall asleep. I am still checking the heartbeat like a crazy infertile. I swear that baby beat thing has saved my sanity.

Appointment with OB tomorrow afternoon. Let's hope for some kind of progress.

Thyroid WTF and then some

I had my endocrinologist appointment this past Wednesday and she basically told me my TSH was perfect. Nevertheless, she ordered bloodwork to be sent out for a full screen. I felt a bit neurotic when I spoke to her. She asked if I was referred to her by my RE and I said no, that I was here based on the fact my brother has Graves disease (hyper) and on an anecdote about TSH and fertility. I'll get the results in a week or so. I'll post when I know more.

On a side note, I go in next Thursday for BW and US to begin IVF. To tell you the truth, I am a bit scared. I'm having second thoughts and I am afraid to actually write/say it. A part of me likes being childless. I can do what I want when I want, blah blah blah. I am also a bit terrified of having multiples. I know that is silly. When I actually analyze these feelings, I come to the conclusion that I just have enjoyed my life. I'm 35, turning 36 next week. I've got it good right now. DH and I are great partners. Will we be great parents and partners?

Of course I want to have a family, and yes, I want to be a parent. Am I the only IF pre-IVFer with cold feet?

Fertility ball

So my newest fertility-boosting thing I am trying is the fertility ball. Actually, I cheated and bought a soft 3 pound weight ball as seen in the picture with my dog. He thinks that anything circular in shape is for him, so I'm going to have to hide it from him. I found it at Marshall's today for $3.99.

Yeah, the fertility ball. I'm sitting on it now because apparently, the pressure on the peritoneum strengthens the root chakra and will open up my qi. Which will increase my fertility. Apparently. There are other things I can do with this ball, too, for this. I sound snarky, but I am really going to give it a go.

I had my first facebook breakdown. I was looking at some pictures and noticed a friend standing next to someone I knew from grade school. She still talks to her, and apparently, this girl is pregnant with her first child. Why that bothered me I do not know, but I called up my friend and flat out asked her, "Is X pregnant?" and of course she replied "Yes." I flipped out, ranting about how the heck did she get pregnant, etc. Look, I am not proud of myself for this outburst, but it happened. Luckily this friend of mine is a really close friend and has gone through IF shit before, so she knew where I was coming from.

I am over it now. On to my ball, my positive thinking, and prayers for a good exam tomorrow.

CD29, 16dpiui, still waiting

Yes, I know the first question is did I test again? The answer is no because I've only got one left and I refuse to buy any more this month. argh! I probably test again tomorrow. My spotting stopped yesterday. We even FD yesterday and no spotting. WTF? I should get AF today or tomorrow. If not, I'm testing again.

CD 24, Joke

How can you spot an Infertile at the drugstore?

She's the one buying triple-pack pregnancy tests AND tampons & maxipads.

*******
I ran out to buy sticks. I'm testing tomorrow. Oh lawd!

CD 24, 11 dpiui

I'm back, and I completely forgot I signed up for ICLW this month. Looks like I've got a lot of catching up to do!! I promise that will be my goal tonight. Thanks to those who posted.

Not much happening here. I had to leave early for my trip (family emergency), so I couldn't get my progesterone blood drawn last Thursday. The doc put me on prometr.ium anyway just to be safe. Ever since my TCM, I've had no PMS signs, but yesterday and today my breasts hurt, and I was nauseous yesterday afternoon. Hmm...yes, being away from civilization has been good for the 2WW, but now that I am on the progesterone, will my period just come or will I have to stop taking it if I am not PG? I've got to call the doc tomorrow to find out the plan. Am I suppose to POAS? Help! I don't want to if it is too early. I don't want to at all, frankly, because I just don't think I can handle another BFN.

Oh ladies, much to stress about, but right now I want to play with my pups since I haven't seen him in 5 days. I'll post later.

CD 4, did somebody spike my sushi roll?

I took my first dose of clo.mid last night (100 mg) and wheeeeeeeeeew...

I slept kinda badly, but the most suckiest part was feeling dizzy this morning. It didn't shake until mid morning and then I felt like I was stoned but not in a good way (ahem, not that I know what that feels like). I know that these fertility meds are supposed to trick your brain into thinking it's in menopause, but if this is what menopause feels like, I don't ever want to say bye to AF. I was a complete idiot today. I forgot my phone, my planner, my lunch--heck! I am surprised I made it to TCM for my evening acupuncture.

And no amount of water will satisfy this thirst I have.

So I am off to yoga for some centering and sweating. Here's to a medicated cycle! Cheers!

CD18 7DPO, dip-see-doodle

I'm back to my old tricks again--damn you, fertili.ty friend and your chart comparison thingie. My temp dropped this morning, still above the coverline, but .4 degrees from the normal post ovulation temps. So I scoured FF's chart gallery, looking for a chart like mine that got a BFP. Some did, some did not. Then I googled the piss out of implantation dip and got positive and negative info. Why am I doing this you ask? Oh yeah, because I am nutso. And also because I have (no lie) 8 loads of laundry to get done tonight. Why tonight? Because three of those are yoga towels (I do laundry for my yoga studio as a trade), I have no clean undies, and DH needs white t-shirts for work tomorrow. Yes, last weekend's birthday extravaganza left me slacking on the clothes. In addition, I should be cleaning up the house a bit since we have a showing tomorrow at noon! So much to do, and yet FF keeps pulling me closer.

Enough of the craziness here. I already told you all I'm getting knocked up this month (hahaha). Why am I even stressing about any of this?

In happier news, DH and I were invited to a Mardi Gras ball. We've known about this for months and months, but of course silly-me-slacker-hopeful-to-get-preggers didn't buy a dress until earlier this week, and thank goodness I found something. Actually, I found TWO dresses at a consignment store for a grand total of $113. I couldn't decide between the maroon flowy floor length one with strappy straps OR the kick-ass contemporary strapless black floor length ballgown. I think I am leaning towards the strapless black one. The ball is February 6, which (if you are all following along here) would be 15 DPO. So since I will be pregnant for the ball (hahaha I can't stop with the craziness), I'll probably be the only sober one at the party (which, ahem, I am totally alright about).

Come'on little egglet--I know you got fertilized--you just need to implant right about now.