CD13, IUI a complete failure

Well, maybe not, but I understand percentages and numbers, and I can tell you that 1.7 million sperm post-wash is bad bad bad.

WTF?

The doc said that it looked like a different man. Then I asked her, "Is it?" I know it's not, though. DH had *ahem* troubles this morning. He worked all weekend and woke up crabby and took a hot shower before his he did his "job." Whatever. I am over it. His numbers were 6 million pre wash, and the ones that made it inside of me were a 77% motility, so that it good.

I am not expecting anything wonderful here. The honest truth is that I feel a bit relieved--if this doesn't work, for the first time I won't feel like it's all my fault. This time, it's his, too.

Yes, I've been hiding

with nothing good to report. I had a major meltdown on Sunday when it became clear that AF was on her way. I mean major meltdown, like throw away all fertility goodies including CBE monitor, strips, preg tests, pre-seed, you name it. And DH got wind of this and tried to stop me, telling me that I was just PMSing. Oh lordy, wrong thing to say because it wasn't that; it was pure and utter sadness, disappointment, hopelessness. I am not sure exactly what this all means (my freak out- blow up and all), but I am truly truly exhausted and tired of TTC running my every thought. So I might be MIA for awhile, but I promise to try to keep lurking, reading, and commenting. Sometimes it's all too much, ya know?