on my way

In less than an hour,I will be getting CD 3 bloodwork/US to see if my body is prepared for a medicated cycle/IUI. I have been really working with my TCM to rid myself of the ovarian cysts this past month. I feel pretty confident that I am ready to rock and roll. AF came on Saturday and was pretty darn heavy and clotty but with barely any cramps! I interpreted this as a uterine and ovarian exfoliation.

Fingers crossed. Hopefully I'll be popping some clomi.d tonight!

"I didn't know I was"

Anyone watching the 20/20 tonight? I thought that those "I didn't know I was pregnant" shows were only allowed on cable, but I guess I was wrong. So this woman carries to term and delivers her baby and, of course, didn't know she was preggo. Her third child, she never felt any symptoms including kicking? WTF

The real kicker?

Her hubby had a vasectomy 6 years ago and she still got pregnant.

The humanist in me wants to be happy and lovie, but the IF in me is screaming "Are you freakin' kidding me?"

Geesh

counting 1,2,3

I went to the acupuncturist yesterday, and after laying it all out for her, she asked, "What were the results? What were the numbers? You need to find out the numbers." She was firm in the fact that these numbers will help her treat me holistically and herbally.

Here are my numbers:

Day 3 bloodwork and U/S

FSH: 4.7

E2: 182

follies on left ovary: 4 (7x7, 6x6, 5x5 and 5x5)

follies on right ovary: 3 (9x9, 13x13, and 16x16)

Right ovary is the bad bad one( reminder: the right fallopian tube is blocked). According to the RE, the high E2 is probably from the cysts on the right ovary.

My treatment this month for Dr. S (RE): wait until next month, no meds, no BC pills, nothing!

My treatment this month for Dr. A (Acu): herbal formula 4 capsules 3 x per day, go back to being strict about my stagnation diet (yes, I've been cheating a bit!), avoid sugar and alcohol, and keep up my running/yoga routine.

I don't know what all these numbers really mean, and the more I google, the sadder I get so I plan to avoid looking to the internet for answers. Any input you all might have would be appreciated.

Cancelled?

WTF? Went in for bloodwork and US today, CD 3, geared up for some ovulation stimulation drugs, etc., just to find out that I've got a couple of cysts on my right ovary and a tad high estrogen level.

Cycled cancelled. Wait a month.

This sucks.

Be the jalapeno

In the deep south, we have a couple of times a year where plants produce fruits and vegetables. Usually in the heat of the summer, July and August things are dormant, but the spring and late summer/early fall, we get loads and loads of good stuff.
In 2007, we bought a tiny little jalapeno plant because we love love love spicy foods. The plant grew and flowered but the flowers all died and we saw no fruit. That winter, the plant lost all of its leaves and was just a sad stick in the ground. In early spring of 2008, the stick came back to life and produced many leaves and flowers but again, did not fruit. The flowers would sprout the tiniest of pepper that would fall off and die. Winter came and the cycle repeated itself. However, last spring, the stick came back and this time the flowers and the fruit hung on, and we had the most prolific crop of jalapenos. They grew in early spring, in the heat of the summer, and we even got a third round in early fall. No kidding. This little plant hung on and gave us so much. I was convinced that we'd lose it this past winter. Our area saw temps in the mid to lower 20s.

But look! It's early spring and she is sprouting again!

I expect AF to visit this weekend. As soon as I confirm CD 1, I am calling Dr. S to begin clomid/injectibles. There cannot be a worse time to do this. First, our place is under contract and we are expected to close April 30th. We have no place lined up and are keeping our fingers crossed on the house we want but is held up in short sale negotiations. So, homeless in lest than 30 days. 2nd, I'm near the end of the semester and I'm about to dive into tons and tons of papers/finals to grade. 3rd, I've got a planned vacation that puts me on the road for two weeks to visit my parents, sister, and friends. This is set for mid-May. 4th, DH and I plan to take a fun vacation at the end of May.

Yes, there are a million reasons why we should wait but we are going for it. I'm holding on and hoping to beat the odds.

hello strangers

Hey y'all. I'm back for a bit, although I have been quietly reading all blogs these past 5 weeks. I took a much needed break from the TTC madness. I enjoyed a very happy Mardi Gras, followed by a bit of a stressful mid-term, and now on to spring and all. Throwing away all the TTC was helpful in getting back my mental self. I was so obsessed with POAS for ovulation, etc., and it all became too overwhelming. Things that I have been doing, though, are as follows:

1. TCM and acupuncture: This has been, if anything, a complete miracle as far as AF goes. My first real cycle post-lap was when I was first starting TCM and my cramps sucked. The last two cycles I have had no cramps. Yup, you read that correctly. None. Zip. Zilch. I asked Dr. A and she said that yes, in Chinese medicine, it is believed to just get a period and it should be no big deal. Hmm... why am I just finding this out?

2. Diet and exercise: pretty much the same (sans Mardi Gras badness). I am conscious of my food choices, eat whole and real foods most of the time, still drink green tea, and still exercise somewhat regularly. Between yoga and jogging, I feel good. I've lost some weight (not that I really needed to, but I had some butt-sagging that is picking up and some belly fat that has disappeared). So I look and feel good.

3. We are still TTC which means we are having regular sex concentrated during my O times. I am listening to my body and paying attention to its signals. I am still having mid-cycle bleeding and ovulation pain, though, and Dr. A thinks that's not really a good sign. Today I had both, but at least that means I'm mid-cycle.

4. I think I am going to push for meds next cycle if this one doesn't pan out. In addition, I plan to request IUI just to make sure those swimmers get up there. The total cost will be around $1200 for everything, and DH is ready to go whenever I decide.

5. I feel more relaxed and more human. This "break" with blogging and temping and peeing allowed me to just be me. Thank you for that time. Thank you for the reflection.

Yes, I've been hiding

with nothing good to report. I had a major meltdown on Sunday when it became clear that AF was on her way. I mean major meltdown, like throw away all fertility goodies including CBE monitor, strips, preg tests, pre-seed, you name it. And DH got wind of this and tried to stop me, telling me that I was just PMSing. Oh lordy, wrong thing to say because it wasn't that; it was pure and utter sadness, disappointment, hopelessness. I am not sure exactly what this all means (my freak out- blow up and all), but I am truly truly exhausted and tired of TTC running my every thought. So I might be MIA for awhile, but I promise to try to keep lurking, reading, and commenting. Sometimes it's all too much, ya know?