One Month

Yesterday we celebrated one month for A. He had his doctor appointment and he weighs a whopping 10 lbs 3 oz! Yikes! He's gained two pounds since birth! He screamed for the entire appointment, so paying attention to what the doctor was asking/saying was difficult. Next month starts vaccines--poor little guy.

Things have been hot and cold as far as the crazy gas and crying. I asked the doctor if giving him infant probiotics might help. She said there have been some studies that suggest it will; I am planning to get out to the store and purchase it for both me and him. Some days he is angelic, and some days he is inconsolable.

Today is an inconsolable day.

Nights have been good, though. He is in bed by 7:30-8:00. We wake him around 10:30 for dream feed of 3 oz, and that gets us to around 2:00ish. This morning it was 2:30. Then he eats and falls back asleep until 6:30ish. I love the nights. He seems to know it is night because his eyes stay closed nearly the whole time. Now, if we can find some routine for the days

This Shit is Hard!

I hope the title says it all.

I don't remember in any advice or from reading baby books about how much the first few weeks actually is hard, and I don't mean hard but rewarding; I mean hard as I want to pack my bags and run away to the west coast hard. Or somebody give me back my old life. I mean that in the most honest way possible. Of course I don't want to run away or be without baby A, but, well, you know---I am still looking for the sunshine and happy elephants roaming the wilderness scenario where my baby sleeps, smiles, eats, and raises his hand when he needs something instead of clawing me with his tiny tiny fingers.

DH went back to work, and I have to admit I like it better when he isn't here. If I know I have to do it all, I can pace myself. When I believe I can rely on someone else, I get sorely disappointed and even more upset when DH can't help the baby. I can't even help the baby sometimes, but at least when it's just me, I feel more patient, as if I have to be.

My parents and brother were here this past weekend/week. Visitors are hard to handle, especially when they stay for longer than an hour or so. I mean, I am so used to acting like it's the playboy mansion around here, walking around with my shirt off and my boobies exposed. When you have long term guests, you gotta be civilized, and that means being fully dressed.

On a happy note, I am 4 pounds away from prepregnancy weight. My boobs are rockin huge, and I mean cleavage and I didn't even wear a push-up bra huge. I have my post partum doctor appointment next Tuesday. She's seeing me at 4 weeks and I am hoping I get the green light to exercise (hello running shoes...) and have sex. Yes, I actually want sex, can you believe it? I must be insane.

Baby A has been better the last couple of days. My diet is pretty bland now because he has had the worst stomach issues. I eliminated dairy, chocolate, caffeine, and nuts, and he is so much better. We are giving him Mylicon drops 6-8 times a day and sometimes Gripe water. I swear I have the fussiest baby ever born.

I am back to work on the 24th, and I am strangely looking forward to reconnecting with civilization for a few hours a day. I don't know how the hell I am going to manage the workload, papers, research, cleaning, cooking, dog care, and baby care, but I guess I'll manage.

Uh oh. A is grunting and groaning. Time to get out the milk jugs! More later, y'all!

Birth Story, part II

OK. I'm back.

The next couple of hours are somewhat of a blur, but the gist of it all was that I went from 7cm to 9.5 in about 2 hours. In that two hours, bebe's heart rate dropped and I had to be moved from the left side, then the right side a few times. The nurse and doc were very calm, but I think it was a little bit of a scary situation. While they were moving me and monitoring me, I went inside completely and breathed calmly. I knew if this might mean emergency C section if the rate didn't recover. Luckily it did, and when the doc checked me at 9.5 cm, things around the room got crazy busy. Next thing I know DH was holding one of my legs, the nurse was holding the other, and I was told to start pushing. The eipdural made me feel like I was a water balloon, and I tried to push using the lessons I learned from yoga, but I couldn't feel anything. The doctor said to act like I am doing crunches--those are the muscles I need to push. Man, that made total sense. So with each contraction, I clenched my stomach as though I were doing intense crunches, and I watched as he slowly emerged. I was watching in the mirror and saw that he had hair!! I was a bit winded, so they gave me an O2 mask which made me feel closed in, so I used it sparingly.

TMI, but let me tell you, birthing is not pretty. Things were coming out of all ends at this point. Plus, I was shivering and shaking (probably due to epi, but who knows), I was nauseous and thought I was going to hurl about 5 times.

Anyway, somewhere near the end, I'd say about 4 contractions before he was born, I felt the mood of the room get panicky. His heartrate decelerated big time (Dh told me this all later), so the nurse, DH, and the doc were all telling me to push push push. I again went inside myself and just focused on the pushing and was no longer looking at the mirror. Something came over me. It was a sense of urgency that I was either picking up from the room and from my gut, but things had to happen fast. All I can tell you is that I pushed with everything I had, and the next thing I remember is DH getting close to my face, tearing up, telling me it was a boy. I opened my eyes and looked at the doc who was suctioning out his little mouth. He was screaming so loud! He was gurlgling and screaming and my body was shaking and shivering. Doc put him on my chest and he just smelled so perfect. His mouth was so close to mine and he was so loud and pissed!!! He looked big to me--I don't know what I expected, but he was solid as a rock. I just kep telling him "hello" and "I love you." I couldn't believe this was happening. What I felt was pure euphoria and bliss, a kind of happiness I have never experienced. Probably the lack of O2, exhaustion, hormones, etc. It was the biggest high of my life, and I'll never forget that moment.

Dh later told me that his HR dropped, and the doctor and nurse were anxious and said they needed to get this baby out. It turned out that the cord was wrapped around his neck, and when the doctor was able to pull him out (ouch! No wonder I had a 2nd degree tear), she slipped the cord over his neck and he was fine. He said that there was panic in the room, but they were careful not to let me know. I told him I sensed the panic, but I didn't know for sure.

Now, two weeks into this mommy role, and I have to say, at least 100 times a day I look at him and think, "Is this real?"