In hiding, will return soon

I am having a bit of a hard time with this whole pregnancy thing. I am planning to disappear from here for a bit (no posting, but I plan to read blogs on occasion). I am pretty much feeling like crap with morning sickness and nerves. Heartbeats are good and bad. I just need to step back for a minute and hold my breath until week 12 or 13 when I am feeling safe. It's too much for me right now. Thanks for understanding. I just gotta put down the computer, stay off google, and quit stressing.

ICLW Post

Welcome ICLW people. I am newly preggo (7w3d) with triplets via IVF: one singleton and one set of identical twins. My DH and I have been ttc for over 3 years (or has it been 4?) so we are very excited to have had success with our very first IVF try, although we are still a bit freaked out about what will be with the three.

And I must say, Crinone sucks! It's easier than PIO shotss, but absolute YUK!

Thanks for stopping by.

checking in at 7w2d

I just wanted to check in to say thank you to all of you for your lovely words of support and encouragement. I really really needed it.

For the last week, I've been pregnancy sick. Friday and Saturday I was pretty ill, but I think it was mostly because of the fear/worrying kind of sick. I think I cried every 15 minutes both days. I threw up Monday and today. Nice. For some reason, I felt pretty good yesterday, but this morning and all day, forget about it. I get these sudden, violent hunger pains and it just sets me off into sickville. I am trying almonds right now; I heard they have magical effect on morning sickness.

Ok, totally boring post. I promise to be more lively tomorrow.

After the fog comes lots of crying

So here's how it all went down. I went back to give blood and then I got to the US room and asked if DH could come. Of course, they all say. So I get naked from the waist down and he comes into the room. I introduce him to dildocam, and his eyes get very big. He makes some inappropriate joke and we laugh.

The US tech comes in and says, "Let's see those heartbeats." Immediately we see both sacs and I can see one flicker in each. DH squeezes my hand and I say, "Look! there they are!" The US tech confirms this and I look away from the screen at my lovely husband. We catch each other's eyes and smile and that moment felt frozen and peaceful until the US tech then says,

"And there's the third."

My head WHIPS around at the screen and I said "What?" I am shaking right now as I recollect this story. I began shaking, shivering uncontrollably and tears streamed out of my eyes. I looked at DH then looked right back at the screen. I looked at the tech and I am sure she sensed our fear, because fear was exactly what we were feeling. She immediately began saying that it was early and this doesn't mean much yet. Y'all, three is a blessing and a surprise, but it is terrifying, especially when two was something we were just getting out hearts around. Please don't judge my reaction just yet.

The rest of the US was a complete blur. I remember hearing that all three heartbeats were between 109-115, which is good and strong for right now. The identical twins are very far away from each other but we didn't see a membrane that separates them yet. I was told this membrane is important so that there are less complications with their gestation.

Time passed and I was dressed and back in the waiting room. I was scheduled to see the doctor but I just wanted to get the hell out of there and cry and deal with this privately. I waited for 10 minutes then went to the receptionist and asked if I should just come back later. They immediately whisked us back to the office where I was weighed and my blood pressure was taken. Then we met with Dr. S who came in and I think followed our lead. I was tearing up and I asked her "How did this happen? What were the chances?" She said something like 1-4% of the embryo splitting.

I immediately then asked "Does this mean they will be born too early and very sick?" and then I started bawling. I could give a shit about my body and what I am about to go through. I just can't imagine how terrible I must be to have done this IVF shit only to now be giving birth to sick babies? How terrible am I? What selfish person does? This was all that I was thinking from the waiting room to the doctor's consult. She assured us that triplet and twin pregnancies are actually quite similar in terms of success and healthy babies. She mentioned if we wanted to do reduction, we'd have to travel out of state and she has the name of someone we can consult with.

This is NOT an option for us.

We left and paid and got in the car and drove where I cried an freaked out on DH, even telling him it was his fault since he wanted to transfer 2 and I said 1. I can't begin to tell you the scenarios I dreamed up in my head about how gloomy this result was for us. I even said I regretted ever doing IVF.

I said all this because I was scared. Can my body do this to 32-33 weeks to ensure healthy babies?

Then we went to an appliance store and bought a fridge. ha! We needed a new fridge and there's nothing that retail therapy can't cure.

I got home and went straight to bed and napped. When I woke, I told DH that we can do this. We can totally do this. I can do this. My body can do this.

Then I went back to bed and rested some more. And cried a bit, too.

Three heartbeats...

One set of identical and one single.

I'll post more when I come out of this fog.

A little bit of crazy here...

Wow. That's about all I can say as far as my moods. Today I could barely stand myself, and yesterday I was watching the end of the Today Show and they had on that guy from Cleveland who was homeless and was offered a job. Anyway, I was watching that very raw, very real interview and started bawling. Not crying. Not tears, but faucets and heaves crying. WTF is wrong with me? Geez...

On the preggo side of things, I had my first dry heave in the shower this morning. Yipee! I am a little restless because the doc says to not overdo it and exercise yet. I can walk, but she wants to see heartbeats before she approves me to do anything. I understand, but at the same time, I use running and hearty yoga to relieve stress. This whole time right now is stressful. What's a girl to do?

As soon as I could, I ran out and bought Origins: How the Nine Months before Birth Shape the Rest of our Lives by Annie Murphy Paul. I am almost half way through with it, and I admit that it is pretty good. The writer is a professional writer for medical journals, so the writing itself is a bit cerebral, but the info is good. Much of what it all boils down to is that nobody really knows, but there are some clues that say this or that can be good/helpful and that this or that might be better avoided. The one thing I have taken from it and other sources is the importance of DHA. I have stopped eating fish for right now. I found this supplement in Whole Foods. Spectrum makes a DHA vegetarian, which is made from algae rather than fish. In addition, we are getting a shipment of sardines in from DH's work next week. I'm not sure how well I will handle them, but I am sure going to try my hardest.

Two sacs!

Just got back from the RE, and we saw two sacs: one measuring 5 weeks and 0 days, the other measuring 5 weeks and 1-2 days. My beta is over 6000, and the RE says all is looking good. I go in for the heartbeat US next friday, January 14. Yeah