Monday, September 22, 2014

When there are more reasons not to do this

I remember struggling with the pros and cons of assisted reproduction back in 2009. I had just had my big surgery, the lap and hysteroscopy, and was getting set to begin IUI with injectables. But we halted. Well, I halted it all (ahem, back then it was mostly all me making the decisions. DH was still in the clouds about all this). For me, there were more reasons not to begin with the RE than there were to keep trying naturally. I believed I wanted to go the eastern medicine route, and I did. I fully accepted the weekly, sometimes twice weekly acupuncture, the herbs, the dietary changes (hello, I ate black mushrooms, eel, and other weird foods that one would really not want to consume). I made the charts and weighed the options, and I was too scared, in denial probably, to move with western medicine and getting preggo.

However, as you know, I broke. Chinese medicine was not getting me preggo, so after 6 solid months, we went back to the RE and started. Even then, I charted the pros and cons, and from IUI to IVF, the charts were always there.

Now that I am here, almost 4 years later, staring at the consents I just signed, I do not have a pen to paper chart of the pros and cons. No, that would be too scary because I see the chart in my head; I don't want to see it on paper. I can tell you that there seems to be more reasons not to proceed with the FET, and here I am, back to what feels like 2009, thinking we should just try naturally again.

I don't know what it is really that scares me so much about assisted reproduction.

8 comments:

Gurlee said...

Hmm, I can relate.I am curious to know more about your thoughts on this one. I guess some things can't be explained. Good luck with whatever route you travel.

Cristy said...

I'm with Gurlee. Though I fully support a more wholistic approach to fertility treatments (I LOVED acupuncture!), I'm also curious about why people are fearful of the medical treatments? Is it feeling like a lab rat? The loss of control? Or is there underlying guilt? A belief that if you have to go this route, it's not meant to be?

Megan said...

I don't think there's anything wrong with being uncertain about what you're doing. Heck, we're thinking about buying a teardrop trailer and I'm uncertain about all kinds of things - babies are a way bigger deal! I hope you do go through with it, though, so we can do it together! (The FET, that is. Not buying a teardrop. Heh.)

Marianne said...

Thinking of you! Thanks for the comment on my blog....I just read through your entire blog while my LO napped :)

Marianne said...

Thinking of you! Thanks for the comment on my blog....I just read through your entire blog while my LO napped :)

JCH4DCU said...

I just read your story on the right and gosh, so many things are going through my head.

For example, your first IVF worked - very encouraging to me!

You got pregnant naturally - also very encouraging to me!

Good luck going forward - I'll be watching.

Jessica Martin said...

Here from ICLW - I've had those same fears before. It can seem like there's just too big a risk and too big an expense for it to be worth it. But sometimes you have to take a chance. I hope it works out! Wishing you lots of positivity and confidence that things will work out!!!

My (In)fertile Confessions said...

Gosh, I remember all of this... and I did the same thing! 6 months of Accupunture and herbs! As much as I am a Natural Health believer, I am thankful for medicine. We have an unexplained problem that only IVF with ICSI could fix. I'm loving reading all of your new posts! xo