Thursday, June 23, 2011

29 weeks

Lately I've been thinking about what if this baby is a boy. Do we circumcise? This is a question many people ponder.

First, let me say that once you begin the research, there are proponents for it and those who feel it is unnecessary. Most recent discussion is happening in San Francisco and the proposal to ban it. It's hard not to pay attention, and for me, this decision holds no religious significance. Until recently, DH and I thought we'd definitely have bebe circumcised (if it were a boy), but recently I am leaning toward not doing it. First, I have to admit that I watched some youtube videos that actually show the process: doctor and baby in a sterile room, baby screaming, clearly in pain. It's an awful awful thing to watch, and if you google the videos, you might have nightmares.

I can't imagine choosing to put my child through such pain. DH, on the other hand, quipped that he was circumcised and he is not mentally scarred. DH even said that we should do it because he remembers the few kids in his school who weren't circumcised and got teased in the locker rooms. I don't want my child teased not do I want him emotionally scarred because of a decision I made.

So I sit here, contemplating the pros and cons and wonder what the best decision is. I'd appreciate any thoughts from you all on this discussion. What are you planning to do, or what have you chosen to do in this situation? I know there is no right or wrong decision here. It is truly what's best for the family. But I just don't know.


Kari said...

LD is intact. I was like you when we found out he was a boy, no real strong feelings one way or another. Until I watched those videos. I could never imagine putting my baby through that. I know people say they don't remember it and it doesn't hurt, etc. etc. but those videos were all I needed to make my decision. Of course DH was not on board. He is circ'd and his argument was about being teased as well. Then he watched the video. Now he doesn't believe in circing either. The latest figures show 33% of baby boys are not being circ'd, so LD will hardly be the only boy in gym class intact. And if he is...why are boys looking at other boys privates anyway? We girls weren't checking each other out in the locker room. In the end aside from not being able to imagine putting my son through that after seeing it done, I couldn't let someone cut off a piece of him. He's perfect as he is. At the hospital we delivered at they wouldn't even let you go with your son when they circ'd him. They took the babies away and circ'd them at night with the curtains to the nursery closed. To me that in itself tells you it's something they don't want people to actually see being done. Every doctor we saw from the OB who delivered him to the pedi who checked him out at the hospital told us LD would thank us for our decision to keep him intact. It was refreshing to hear that from medical professionals. Of course our pedi(different from the hospital) now told me at the 9 month appointment we needed to have LD circ'd and when I asked why he said because that's what you do to boys. What a dope...needless to say we're switching pedi's. If LD wants to be circ'd when he's older, it's his body and he can make the decision. Who am I to make it for him? But that's our philosophy and feelings on the topic. I certainly respect others decisions, especially when they take the time to educate themselves on both sides of the issue using impartial good sources of information. I didn't blog about it when we were deciding because DH asked me not to for LD's privacy in the future, but I'm more than happy to tell people he's intact and why.

Jill said...

I was glad I didn't have to face this decision. Hubby says he would have wanted it for a son. I was leaning towards it. Probably the thing I kept thinking about is my best friend's husband's experience. He was born in a country where it is not done but as an adult he had to have it done due to an infection. He said it was a terrible experience as an adult and would never want his son to go through it as an adult. Like your husband says, he doesn't remember! I respect all choices for this matter. Good luck making the decision if you have to!

Gurlee said...

This is a very personal decision but if I was having a boy there is no chance I would have him circumcised. My husband and his brothers, born in Ireland are not. To be honest it makes no difference to me as far as aesethics go, penises aren't so beautiful in the first place, right? And in his 40 years he has never had a infection. I see no real reason to do so aside from the "it's just what you do" theory. Just my two cents!

And thanks so much for your sincere support, it means a lot :)

Calmly Chaotic said...

During our prenatal course the nurse was telling us that often parents think they should do it so that son resembles dad... what she said though is that now we should be thinking more along the lines of the locker-room and that fewer are choosing to do it so if you do it he might be the one now standing out.

It would be a tough call for sure and for us as well would have held no religious significance.

Fairytale Ending said...

Yay for 29 weeks...I'll join you tomorrow:) Since we know we're having a boy, Hubby and I briefly discussed the circumcision issue. I think for us it is a no-brainer, simply because the baby is going to be so young there won't be any long-term trauma or mental scarring from it. Hubby and I decided we would rather have it done than have our little guy possibly endure the teasing/taunting/bullying that would likely happen once he was school-age. Kids can be cruel enough as it is without giving them an additional reason (although I strongly disagree that an uncircumcised child is reason for any kind of teasing, I know it would likely happen).

Whatever you decide, I know it will be in the best interest of your sweet bebe:)

Allison said...

SHIT. Something ELSE we haven't discussed yet. Damnit.

I don't know how I feel about it, really. And I certainly don't know if Hubby has any strong feelings.

...adding to the list. LOL

My Vegas said...

great discussion here.

erika said...

Ugggh))) it sounds ridiculous, but this was one of our very first argument with DH ever, right when we decided to try TTC (long, long time ago!:). He is from a family of all boys for over 35 years, and he wanted it done, no compromise. That made me so upset him not even willing to consider to think about my opinion, I was secretly hoping for a little girl for a while. I am from a culture, where cc is only done among religious minorities.
It's clear and obvious that this surgical procedure is medically unnecessary. The vast majority of males in the world are intact.
Teasing? that would be my only concern about not having it done, but after I asked around friends, I found that actually most of them chose not to do it, so the number of intact little boys must be definitely significant these days, and must be growing.
Needing to look like father? I think that's just a misconception of the parent. Just thinking about it when I was a kid, it never occured to me, that it was a problem that my body as a kid was different from my Mom's adult features.
Although we haven't discussed this topic for years, luckily, something have made DH to soften up about this topic (maybe my concluding sentence back then telling him the only way he could make them to cut into my baby boy like that would be through my dead body #insertmadfacehere). I think that was graphic enough, because now, he is willing to skip it, and also agrees it is not necessary surgery we would have to put our baby through.
I have to agree, it is a tough decision, but for me, it only is culturally. I respect everybody's decision, and I am happy and interested in hearing other's opinions, so I learn more about it. And I keep the debate between me and DH;)
Good post!

Alex said...

Good discussion! If we have a boy, I've told the hubs he can make that decision, and he wants his boy to be circumcised, just like him. Not a real justified decision, but hubs has a strong emotional reaction to it, so I will defer to him. But yes, it's a very personal decision!

My Vegas said...

So true, y'all. If the trend now is that more boys are staying in tact, then won't the teasing we are so concerned about now rest upon those who were circumcised?

Such a crazy decision to make. None of us want to ruin our kid's life in any way, and questioning our beliefs about cultural norms makes this decision so darn difficult.

sonja said...

I will say that in the NICU our pod was across from the room they did circumcisions in -- not a single baby cried through it. I can see deciding either way, but just know those youtube videos aren't always the norm!

Roccie said...

I really really want to avoid it as well, should we have a boy. Since Rocco has the circ, he feels pretty strongly he wants a little guy to match him. Bizarre.

I sense a long battle on this one. Thanks for the reminder it is time to resurrect it.

Anonymous said...

Hello, I was just creeping around today enjoying your blog. Regarding circ's.... You can insist your doc use local anesthetic for a completely pain-free procedure. If they buffer the lidocaine, it does not even burn going in. Just a thought from a nurse/mother of 2 boys. Cheers!