Wednesday, September 2, 2009

My first post

So, I've been reading ttc blogs for some time now, and I've decided to start posting my own. Hello to all of you ladies who have made me laugh, cry, and sigh these past months. My story is much like yours: I've been TTC for 2 years now, and like many of you, have had my share of disappointments. I am hoping to gain some perspective on this blog as I try to figure out who I am, who I want to be, who I am supposed to be, and what the heck life is throwing at me now.

Right now I am on CD 12. My HSG last cycle caused us to TAB, and this month I've not temped, but all signs look good: lots of good CM, lots of BD. I have avoided my OB since the HSG. My next appointment is October for my annual, so I will have a better idea about the next steps. Honestly, I've enjoyed this mini break.

I'm the last of the girls in my group of friends to not be tugging around a little one. Most of them believe that I am OK with being childless; only a couple close friends know, or at least kinda know, what I am going through. I am not sure why I have been so discrete. No, that's a lie; I am discrete because I have always been able to achieve whatever it is I've put my mind to, and up to this point, my inablity to conceive feels like I am a failure, a word that does not work for me at all. I know, I am working on it. "Infertile" is a dirty word, but it is what I am right now (or at least that's what my OB is coding my bloodtests as).


Allison said...

Welcome to the bloggosphere, CJ! Looking forward to getting to "know" you.

And as a fellow over-achiever, I completely relate to the hiding the infertility because it feels like failure. I'm slowly (very, very slowly - like, a snail's great-grandma slowly) understanding that it does not make me a failure. I'm still not open about it because people can be soooo insensitive, but coming to terms with it helps with the... shame.

Anyway. Best of luck. I'll be "following" along! :)

Anonymous said...

It took me over 4 yrs to come out of the closet and actually tell someone we were ttc. And it would have been longer if I wasn't headed off the RE !

Welcome to the Blogworld !