Thursday, August 12, 2010

CD 28, a post in which I begin to lose my mind...

So here I am, CD 28, and no signs of AF. Either this TCM really works wonders, or I am preggo. Ha! My mind is playing tricks on me. I am due for AF either tomorrow, Saturday, or Sunday, and I am not testing any time sooner. This whole shebang sucks! I mean, here I am, convinced that I must be pregnant since I am not spotting or having any PMS signs, yet my acupuncturist told me this is how it is supposed to be: I am not supposed to spot a week before AF, and I am not supposed to spot mid-cycle, but why can't my brain embrace that? Why is it that I want to believe this is the super cycle, the one where I miraculously get knocked up? I mean, tomorrow is my IVF consult with dr. S and the hubs. Isn't this suppose to be the storybook happy ending? I get knocked up on my own and find out the day I have IVF consult? WTF? There is no zen to all of this! I just have to wait and wait, and my stupid mind that believes I am knocked up will only hurt me in the long run when I wake up Sat or Sun morning with bright red blood streaming from me. This totally sucks. This all totally sucks!!! Sucks sucks sucks! I hate that I am always sad and disappointed monthly for the past three years or so. I am not sure how much more I can take!

11 comments:

Alex said...

OMG - I'm so incredibly impressed that you're not testing. I would be going nuts! Oh wouldn't it be wonderful to have the storybook ending??? Hoping for you!!!

Kim said...

Great job not testing!!! And you acupunturist is right, after I went I lost all my PMS symtoms which are still gone even thought I dont go anymore,. inlcuding sore boos, spotting, etc.....so it makes it hard to know what's what. I am hoping and wishing and waiting with you. xoxoxoxoxoxox

MK said...

I've felt that way so many (TOO many) times! Hope is such an ass sometimes. However, that being said...I hope you're pregnant!! ;)

Kari said...

Good luck and my fingers are crossed for your fairytale ending!! You deserve it!!

Circus Princess said...

Take it from someone who was recently in your situation, it can happen:) Hoping for a miracle coming your way!!

nobabyruth said...

Wow. I am impressed that you have managed to hold off on testing. I'm not sure I'd be able to. I hope that you get good news whenever you do decide to test. Hopefully you do not have to take much more of this at all - whether it be in this lucky month or with IVF. Keep the faith!

Gurlee said...

Good luck! That time of the month is SO hard for me. I am usually a non-tester too, but the combo of removing my fibroid and acupuncture has created symptom-less PMS, it is enough to make a girl crazy.
I hope you get your happy ending!

Allison said...

I HATE THIS PART!!!! Ugh!!! Doing the "stay away AF" dance for you!!

the infertile breeder said...

Hoping for a miracle. But, then again - IVF is soooo much fun! Who wants to miss out on that?! (har har.)

Kitty said...

(((Hugs))) I didn't have any PMS the first couple of months I did TCM, then the third month I got pregnant and had no idea. I hope this is your super cycle, it's certainly possible :) Hang in there.

Ashley said...

Great job staying away from the pee sticks. I always did too. Hang in there!!