It's back on

After a weekend of drinking heavily (after the boys went to bed, of course), I grieved and began bargaining with my husband about our last three blastocysts. I felt as though I was deceiving him since the decision to do this most recent failed FET meant that no matter what the outcome, we were done. However, I backed out of that and spent Saturday and Sunday bargaining, being logical: hubs' main concern is the money, and dumping money into ART.

"What's another $4000 really mean over a 45 year life span. Pennies, I say."

or

"If we freeze for a couple of years, that is $1000, and then if we decide to destroy, that means another $500 to transfer to another state (our state will not allow the destroying of embryos). So really, this FET is only going to cost $2500."

or

"We can just stop contributing to the boys' 529s for one year and have this FET paid for."

or

"Let's cancel the house phone and the water delivery. That's $1500 dollars right there that can pay for this FET"

and, my favorite

"If I am no longer trying to get pregnant then I probably will start dying my hair and getting regular mani/pedis, which will cost around $2000 for one year. So really, this FET will only be costing $2000."

and on and on.

Then I got real. I said to him, "If you are done family building, then I will shut up and leave it alone forever. Please be honest and tell me what you think."

And he said he wasn't done. He wants more kids.

And I cried. And I promised him that this means NO fresh IVF. Once more with FET.

Once more. And here I was, months ago, fretting over transferring two and getting twins.

We are on for a December transfer of the last 3 if they thaw and survive.

Today was day one of heavy flow, so I called the RE and will begin BC pills Sunday.

It's on.

But I am probably not going to post much about it.

In fact, I know I will not be HPT testing either.

This cycle is going to go down quietly.

I'll post when/if I feel the desire,

I hope you are around in December.

7dp5dt, negative

It's official.

This sucks.

6dp5dt, you guessed it

negative.


However, I looked at Amazon's review of the cheap test strips and apparently there are mixed reviews. Many people are saying that the tests I have are BUNK!


So there!


I have one EPT, and I'm saving that for tomorrow morning, the morning of my blood test. Aye! Oh, and that test is expired, so if that one is negative too, then I'll just chalk it up to the expiration.


Test is tomorrow at 11:15am.


I'll post when I know.

5dp5dt, Still here

Back to work, thank goodness! I have lots to do today so I won't be obsessing, no thank you. I did test again this morning, and it was negative, of course. Out of pure "safety" to my mental health, I purchased a bottle my favorite Bordeaux last night so I can crack it open once the negative news comes in on Friday, and I've lined up one friend to come share it with me. Oh, I am prepared.

Of course all the while I remember that I did get knocked up "naturally," and when I had my beta, it was in the 1000s, and I had no symptoms, so there.

**le sigh**

4dp5dt, I'm a junkie

I keep testing and they are keep coming up negative, white all the way. Ugh. I tested at 3:00 am and 7:00am. ha! This is really just ridiculous. I am actually finding my behavior slightly comical. Of course it's too early to test, and so what if I got faint BFP 3dp5dt on the fresh cycle. grrrrr...

Plus I don't feel pregnant, Ha! I'm not even sure what that means! I mean, aside from the neurotic testing, I feel really good-- not tired, not bloated, not cranky. My itty bitty shrunken titties (with LARGE stretchy nips thanks to breastfeeding the boys for one year each) aren't swollen or hurting. I am hungry a lot, but that's all.

I'm over analyzing when I should be enjoying my day off! You heard that! It's fall break today (and yesterday, too) at the college, and both boys are at daycare and I am at home contemplating taking another test. Gawh! And it's, like, 70 degrees! And not hot! We had a cold front move through (yes, I realize that sounds silly to most of you who are probably thinking "70 degrees is a cold front?") Argh! I gotta get out of here.........

3dp5dt, I'm an idiot

I tested. Like, 30 minutes ago. Duh, of course it was negative but now I can't get this BFN out of my mind. Ugh! I am an idiot. I need one of you to come to my house STAT and confiscate all the pregnancy tests I own. Right now! Hurry before I test again!!

1dp5dt FET

Here we go!

Transfer completed yesterday. What a mad rush. I overslept (never do that!), babysitter was late (she overslept!), then we got bumped to a noon transfer instead of the original 11:30 as told. But then had to wait another 45 minutes before the transfer began. Ouch to my full bladder!

Here they are! They thawed 2 (still have 3 left!) According to all in attendance, both blasts are grade 4A (perfect at this clinic), uterus looked perfect, transfer was perfect, perfect perfect perfect. I left there feeling optimistic.

Of course I have been obsessing how one blast looks kinda oval-ish (and neither looks like the previous blasts from 2010 that were transferred).

Anyway, bed rest with a one and three year old = not happening. Yesterday I tried to be as lazy and relaxed as possible, but I was on my own yesterday, and both boys were acting like, well, acting normal, which meant no rest for me. You know, because they can SENSE a weakness and will POUNCE all over that weakenss! ha! Once they went to bed, I went to bed.  Hubs is off today and has taken them outdoors until lunch. I am vegging out and plan to shower soon,

I am debating whether or not to POAS. I think I will end up doing so. Last time I got a faint BFP 3dp5dt and the lines kept getting darker. The earliest I plan to test is Tuesday, which will be 4dp5dt.

Beta is Friday,

watch this! for real!

Hey, have you seen these videos? OMG. Really funny.

Click on the link below:

Does This Baby Make Me Look Fat

Everything is a go for Friday

Just got back from my last lining check. I'm at 13.4 or something, which the nurse says is picture perfect. Yipee! Friday is the day. Fingers and toes and all crossed over here.

PIO this time around

What a difference 4 years makes. Back in 2010, PIO shots meant a 22 gauge needle. Ouch! This time around? 25 gauge. Also I noticed that in 2010 I used PIO in sesame oil. This time around it is in ethyl oleate. So the shot itself? No pain whatsoever. I actually didn't even feel it. Woot! No bumps either, although the actual point on injection is tender when I push on it.

Anyway, for those fearing PIO like I had, it seems that for whatever reason (different pharmacy, newer meds, better protocol), PIO is not so scary.

Now, ask me about this in 5 or 7 days once my arse becomes a pincushion.

P.S. I did keep the syringe filled up with the oil in the waistband of my underpants to "warm it up." Not sure what effect that had on the whole process, but hey, couldn't have hurt it.

P.S.S. Hubs did say it was difficult to push. We were there awhile. I'm sure that is the downside of the smaller needle for him but not for me!

Transfer date is scheduled

This morning was my last lupron shot. I begin PIO Sunday am (oh yipee!), and then I have one more US and BW on Tuesday. And then? Friday at noon is the FET.

Whoa! This seemed to take forever and yet it snuck up on me. I have heard women say FETs are so much easier, and yes, I would have to say so. I mean, other than sticking a blue pill up my vag 3 times a day, everything else has been pretty uninteresting. I have no bruises from shooting the lupron, and zero side effects. I am sure that PIO will bring the bloat and tiredness, but I am already tired. hahahaha

I am feeling excited and scared and hopeful and then the fleeting worry hits and dissipates. But I feel good. Really good.