Wednesday, October 22, 2014

It's back on

After a weekend of drinking heavily (after the boys went to bed, of course), I grieved and began bargaining with my husband about our last three blastocysts. I felt as though I was deceiving him since the decision to do this most recent failed FET meant that no matter what the outcome, we were done. However, I backed out of that and spent Saturday and Sunday bargaining, being logical: hubs' main concern is the money, and dumping money into ART.

"What's another $4000 really mean over a 45 year life span. Pennies, I say."


"If we freeze for a couple of years, that is $1000, and then if we decide to destroy, that means another $500 to transfer to another state (our state will not allow the destroying of embryos). So really, this FET is only going to cost $2500."


"We can just stop contributing to the boys' 529s for one year and have this FET paid for."


"Let's cancel the house phone and the water delivery. That's $1500 dollars right there that can pay for this FET"

and, my favorite

"If I am no longer trying to get pregnant then I probably will start dying my hair and getting regular mani/pedis, which will cost around $2000 for one year. So really, this FET will only be costing $2000."

and on and on.

Then I got real. I said to him, "If you are done family building, then I will shut up and leave it alone forever. Please be honest and tell me what you think."

And he said he wasn't done. He wants more kids.

And I cried. And I promised him that this means NO fresh IVF. Once more with FET.

Once more. And here I was, months ago, fretting over transferring two and getting twins.

We are on for a December transfer of the last 3 if they thaw and survive.

Today was day one of heavy flow, so I called the RE and will begin BC pills Sunday.

It's on.

But I am probably not going to post much about it.

In fact, I know I will not be HPT testing either.

This cycle is going to go down quietly.

I'll post when/if I feel the desire,

I hope you are around in December.


Francie said...

Ugh, I feel for you. What a tough decision. But I'm glad you're giving it another try. I'll be here rooting for you in December.

Francie said...

Ugh, I feel for you. What a tough decision. But I'm glad you're giving it another try. I'll be here rooting for you in December.

Stephanie said...

Thinking of you. I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision to make, but I'm glad it sounds like you are both on the same page. We'll be here if and when you decide to write about it.

S said...

I will be here rooting for you whenever you decide to give it another try. {{{HUGS}}}

Heather said...

Onward and upward I say! Best of luck. I know it's tough when you just don't feel "done."

Gurlee said...

Never say never, that is not in regards to a fresh cycle, it's just a reflection of how when we *think* we are done there is often an alternative. Besides, this FET will work, there is no need to think about a fresh cycle.
I'm sure I'll be around in December, cheering you on!

My (In)fertile Confessions said...

First I'm soooooo sorry it didn't work for you! :( Heartbreaking! BUT, I am sooooo happy you and your husband are going to try again! Yay! Gods timing! xo