CD who knows

I got the job. Yup. I now have a tenure track position, and in this climate, I think it's a pretty darn good thing. I am excited, but to tell you the truth, I think I was correct to assume they already knew who they wanted, and the interview process was just a show. Lucky for me, it was me!!!

Also some fun news is I've booked two weekends away at the end of August. One for a bachelorette party and the other for a wedding. I am excited to see my friends, most I haven't seen in over 4 years thanks to a 1000 mile difference and hectic schedules. I hate to say this, but I am sure glad I am not preggo. This trip is going to be fun and carefree with lots of boozing!!

I had TCM yesterday, and I mentioned to her that I was feeling as though I was on the border of getting sick. She gave me some herbs to help with that and today I am not feeling sick anymore. She swears by this formula, and I plan to never leave home without it.

I turned in my grades yesterday, so I have about 11 days off until I have to report back to school. Yeah, vacation!

CD 6, 100th post

Happy 100th post to me.

Our IVF consult is scheduled for August 13 (and for those of you who are superstitious, that's a Friday the thirteenth, thank you very much). I plan to have a long list of questions for the doc, so any questions you think I should ask, please feel free to shoot them my way.

TCM today was good. I asked her about Royal Jelly, and if I should be taking it. She seemed to get little ticked at my question, but then followed up by telling me that the treatment she has for me is specific to me, and that's all she believes I need. Also, she believes that since I have been so good at my treatment, I should get another HSG in three months or so. She believes that my tubes can reopen as long as I keep with the blood stagnation diet and herbs. So I am meditating on that.

Still no news on the job promotion front. Well, I am off to run with the pups. Here's to my blog being 100 posts old. Let's hope for a productive baby-making next 100.

CD 1, planning for the future

AF came this morning in full force. I am not pregnant, but I already knew that. DH and I talked at length this morning about the future. We discussed doing another cycle, but when we priced out the cost of a pure injectible IUI, the price tag would be almost $3000. Yes, $1100 for the monitoring, $500 for the IUI, and somewhere between $1000-1200 for the meds. Three thousand dollars is a lot of money for a shot in the dark, and frankly it's a start for the IVF savings account. We decided to call the RE to see what she thinks.

I left a message, the nurse called back, then we went to run some errands and I forgot my phone, so when I returned, I had 2 (that's right--two) messages from Dr. S. She even left me her cell phone number to call if I tried the office and she had already left. A doc's cell phone? How wonderful is that. I spoke with Dr. S, and she thinks that IVF would be the best route and wants DH and I to schedule time to speak with her about the process, etc. So there. We are now moving on to IVF.

There's a bit of clarity with this decision, and I might post more about this as I come to terms with it all. For now, it's TCM, regular exercise, regular life stuff, and of course lots of BD during fertile times. I know it is possible to get preggo because I have been a witness to my lovely bloggy friends who have achieved just that--a miracle. I know these stories, and I know that it is possible. I must look forward and that is my focus now.

CD 29, AF where are you?

I'm now waiting for AF. Yes, I tested again this morning and got another BFN, so I am pretty confident I am not preggo. Frankly, I am quite fine. DH wants to try one more round since he says he screwed up this last IUI. I know the original plan was to wait for IVF, but heck, what's one more round of IUI? So as you can probably imagine, I am searching and calling and begging for AF to get here so we can move forward.

On a very positive note, I am glad to be back in my routine. I spent the last 6 weeks with my body on a calm regimen, hoping to achieve preggo news, but that didn't seem to work. Now that this cycle is over, I am running again, doing some power yoga, and overall sweating and exerting myself. I feel fantastic this week (other than sore muscles) and I think that is helping me cope with yet another BFN. I love exercise and sweat. I've got acupuncture in about one hour, then I am running. Yipee!

BFN

I didn't wait to test like I said I would. Now I can resume my normal life again.

I knew this was going to be a BFN, but IF still sucks.

CD 25, 12dpiui, water

I live about 5 blocks from the Mississippi river, and sometimes I like to ride my bike along the levee. Much of the water is off limits to non-port working people, but if you go far enough, you can get down to the dirt and sandy parts. My dog loves all things water.

I am surrounded by water. In fact I have lived by some major body of water most of my life. I've lived very near the Gulf, Lake Michigan (both in Illinois and Indiana), and Lake Erie. I've been a part of one of the country's biggest disasters which was the failed levee floods of 2005. Water has moved through me most of my life. I like water and I also fear it. I'll fish but I won't swim in the lakes. I prefer pools. I think I fear what I can't see in the water: jellyfish, bottom feeders, broken glass. From June 1-November 30, I fear what brews in the waters off Africa, what brews in the gulf, what hurricanes might forms in the warm waters.

I often think of Virginia Wolf's suicide in the water. No, I am not suicidal, but I adore her writing and I think about how she struggled with mental illness, and how she resorted to the water for her final breaths.


We drink water. We bathe in water. We baptize with water that has been blessed (or not) by some god-like person.

Water is often the metaphor used to describe many things:


Rivers of red vessels run through our body. We move fluidly through our lives. Tears, our body's salty fluids, stream out my eyes more lately than any other time in my life. I'm drowning in my sorrows.

As part of my fertility treatments, I involve myself in deep meditation, imagining my blood flowing through my uterus, my ovaries, my tubes freely floating. I am trying to undo my diagnosis of blood stagnation through my diet and through my visualization. I want to be fertile. Nanshe, goddess of fertility and water, journey with me.

CD 24, 11dpiui, the challenge

I feel compelled to never POAS again now. I am supposed to do it Monday morning, but if it is negative, I'm no doubt going to be upset and cry. Same for Tuesday-Thursday, so that means I should test one week from today since I don't teach on Fridays. Yup, that would give me 18 dpiui. I told DH this and he laughed but then said that it was a good plan. He knows me. He knows that although I know there is about a 2% chance this cycle worked, my heart is still counting on that 2%.



I'm still popping premetrium up my you-know-what, and I am thankful for all you who suggested I wear pantyliners. No ruined panties this month. No "symptoms" of any kind, but the truth is since I've been doing TCM, I stopped having PMS signs. I never get sore bb or bloated now that I am eating my blood stagnation diet. So I guess I won't know until AF shows up, which will inevitably be delayed since I am taking progesterone.



Ugh. This post sucks.



I had a bikini wax this morning (I chickened out on what would have been my first Brazilian wax), and I have a pedicure at 2:45. Oh yeah, and yesterday I had a big fat cheeseburger and fries from my favorite bistro to toast my 2nd interview that went, well, I don't know. The interview was dumb dumb dumb. I feel like this is just a dog and pony show, and that they already know who they are promoting, and that they are just "interviewing" to have some sort of paper trail in case someone cries foul. I didn't do too terribly, but I can't say that I rocked it either since the questions were so dumb!!

Oh well. Off to the yoga studio to clean.

CD 22, 9dpiui, still nothin'

Ho-hum. That's about all that is going on around here, and I kinda like it. We are settled in our new place for now, and I am enjoying every minute. It's been raining all sorts of tropical here lately; my plants are enjoying it immensly. I also have my second interview for the job promotion tomorrow, so fingers crossed that I don't freak out.

On the TTC front, all is the same. I had my acupuncture appointment today. I am actually quite proud of myself for sticking it out (pun intended) since January. At $80 a pop per week, it is kinda expensive, but I am trying any and everything I can. I was also upgraded to a new prenatal vitamin called Neevo back in December, and this 3o day supply costs me a whopping $50 with my insurance. I hope it is some wonder vitamin with that price. Yikes! When you start adding up all this fertility therapy and prep, the baby I am trying to create is going to be coming out with a hefty price tag.

You should be proud of my new plan. I will not POAS until I am suppose to, which is Monday. Heck, I might even wait until Tuesday. Ha! Do you believe me?

CD 20, 7dpiui, I got nothin'

No news to report here. My uterus area is a bit twingy, but other than that, I am fine. DH and I rode our bikes to the riverfront for the fireworks. It was pretty awesome and the weather was fantastic. Plus, for some weird reason, there were no mosquitoes which is a rarity in these parts. It was good to get out.

I am off today, and although I could be doing a million things, I think DH and I are going to piss the day away. He's off with the dog for a run right now (something I've given up this cycle in the hopes that maybe the running was causing me to not get PG), so I am off to clean the house.

Happy Monday!

CD 18, 5 dpiui, feeling quite positive

There is some fantastic news out in blogland this weekend. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for sticky beans for both Kitty and Allison. I have been following their blogs for over a year, and I am thrilled to hear that they are seeing two lines on their tests! They give me hope, and I am so incredibly happy for them.

5 dpiui and the progesterone supplements have not given me any quirky side effects like last time. Today I've felt a few cramping nudges in the uterus area, but then again I could just be imagining it.

Happy 4th!

CD 16, 3dpiui, moved in

I am moved in to my new place and I am loving every minute of it. This neighborhood is alive!

No news on the TTC front. I couldn't find my prometrium yesterday, so I haven't started it yet. I believe it is in one of the boxes I packed, so I'll be taking it tonight and every morning and night until I test.

And I got called for a second interview. I have to meet with the Dean for the interview, and luckily there will be no teaching demonstration. Phew! That's next Thursday. Yipee!