Saturday, July 10, 2010

CD 25, 12dpiui, water

I live about 5 blocks from the Mississippi river, and sometimes I like to ride my bike along the levee. Much of the water is off limits to non-port working people, but if you go far enough, you can get down to the dirt and sandy parts. My dog loves all things water.

I am surrounded by water. In fact I have lived by some major body of water most of my life. I've lived very near the Gulf, Lake Michigan (both in Illinois and Indiana), and Lake Erie. I've been a part of one of the country's biggest disasters which was the failed levee floods of 2005. Water has moved through me most of my life. I like water and I also fear it. I'll fish but I won't swim in the lakes. I prefer pools. I think I fear what I can't see in the water: jellyfish, bottom feeders, broken glass. From June 1-November 30, I fear what brews in the waters off Africa, what brews in the gulf, what hurricanes might forms in the warm waters.

I often think of Virginia Wolf's suicide in the water. No, I am not suicidal, but I adore her writing and I think about how she struggled with mental illness, and how she resorted to the water for her final breaths.

We drink water. We bathe in water. We baptize with water that has been blessed (or not) by some god-like person.

Water is often the metaphor used to describe many things:

Rivers of red vessels run through our body. We move fluidly through our lives. Tears, our body's salty fluids, stream out my eyes more lately than any other time in my life. I'm drowning in my sorrows.

As part of my fertility treatments, I involve myself in deep meditation, imagining my blood flowing through my uterus, my ovaries, my tubes freely floating. I am trying to undo my diagnosis of blood stagnation through my diet and through my visualization. I want to be fertile. Nanshe, goddess of fertility and water, journey with me.


Circus Princess said...

Beautiful and magic - I truly believe flow in life is very important.

Kari said...

It's crazy how cathartic(sp?) water really is. I know some of my most reflective times have been on beaches.

Gurlee said...

Lovely post.
My thoughts are with you as you near your testing date.

Kitty said...

I was doing a river meditation/visualization just last night. I really think there is something to visualization, keep it up!

(((Hugs))) Hang in there. I'm thinking about you as you are getting ready to test.