Peeing on sticks and other final thoughts for 2010

Thanks to you all for your good wishes and congrats! I so appreciate having you in my life! HUGS!

Now, when will I stop taking pregnancy tests? I have about 25 left and I keep testing.

Anyway, my next appointment for all this is Wednesday. I will have an US and bloodwork. I will officially be 5 weeks preggo then. I asked the nurse if DH should come to the appointment, and she said fine but it wasn't like we'd see much. Hmmm...then what exactly will I see at 5 weeks? I've been googling it as it seems like I might see the sac(s) but not heartbeats.

I think DH is still a little bit in shock. I made the mistake of mentioning that these beta numbers might be twins or triplets (gulp--one blast splitting! yes! It can happen) and he's a bit freaked out. He's just scared to be alone with one, so thinking about more than one is a but daunting. I've had a few moments of flash-freakout when I think about multiples, but overall I am just so darn happy.

I haven't felt any "symptoms." After Wednesday's US, I had some itty bitty brown spots here and there. No cramps, no bleeding, a bit more peeing (but that's been the case since the retrieval), kinda sore boobies, and a tad bit bitchier. We went out to lunch Tuesday with an older couple (60s) who are our friends/old neighbors. They party like they are 21!. Anyway, the dude likes to talk and talk, and for some reason, I had the urge to reach across the table and strangle him. He was getting on my last nerve. I ususally can put up with it. He's just a talker, and I accept it. But not Tuesday.

I spent the last couple of hours doing some last minute accounting and mileage calculations for my medical expense spreadsheet. The total amount we spent for 2010 on weekly acupuncture, IUIs, IVF, and meds is over $22,000. Double gulp! IF sucks, yes it does.

Happy New Year!

Beta #2

Beta #1 7dp5dt= 197

Beta #2 9dp5dt= 438

Um, yeah, that's a tall number. So what am I, officially 4 weeks preggo?

Oh, and the blood flow US was great according to the tech who performed it. I am just waiting for the nurse to call back after she speaks with Dr. S. I asked why my progesterone was so high (it is actually 15000) and the nurse said it is because of the PIO shots. Hmmm...if it doesn't need to be that high, do I need to keep taking it?

Ah! Yipee!

Holy crap it worked

7dp5dt:

Beta 197
Progesterone 12,000 (can that be right??)
E2 435


Holy crap! Wednesday is another beta and a blood flow ultrasound.

Holy Crap! I am pregnant!

Five days post transfer

Here is the star of the show (one of them!)

I tested again a few minutes ago, and got a much darker line. From this pic, you can't really see the lines on the 3 and 4 day tests, but they are there.

DH says he'll be convinced once the blood test is taken. I, on the other hand, am celebrating this now. It's gotta be real!

Merry Christmas, y'all!

confessions

Forgive me gals, but I did the duty...

I POAS yesterday, 3dp5dt--light light positive (internet cheapies)
I POAS today, just now, 4dp5dt--light light positive (internet cheapies)

I said I wouldn't do it but I did.

I have hope, although I know it might be residual hcg shot. I don't care. I have hope!

Merry Christmas to my IF sisters!

And yes, I am POAS tomorrow, too.

All knocked up!

At 9:45am, Dr. S placed 2 A plus blastocysts in my lovely uterus! She apologized profusely for having no one call on Satuday. It looks like we are freezing 4 blasts today and have 3 more at the morula stage that may get frozen today or tomorrow. Yes. You heard that right. 9 made it to day 5! I can't even believe how fortunate I am to have that many embryos to freeze. At my age and with only 11 eggs retrieved, I feel so lucky.

So now I am laying around in bed, thinking implantation thoughts.

What a truly joyful day. I'll post the pic of the little one as soon as I am back on my feet.

hugs to you all!

Some thoughts (bad title, I know!)

I am thinking that maybe it is better I know absolutely nothing about my embryo status. All I know is that 10 fertilized, and that info came to me Thursday. I will just show up tomorrow, ready with my water bottle and my loose legs, wait for my Valium and spread eagle for the doc.

I am completely detached from this whole process. I mean, it really feels like nothing has happened and nothing more will. This is good. I am a control freak about a lot of stuff, so just not knowing and knowing that I won't know...uhh...I'm confusing myself. You get the picture.

DH and I had a little discussion about how many embies to put back. Again, weird discussion because we have no idea how they are (grade, number, etc), so the conversation went pretty much no where. I guess we'll just cross that bridge when we get there.

I finished my Xmas shopping and wrapped all presents about 5 minutes ago!

I feel almost 100 percent normal. I still have weird pelvic pressure/aches when I push on my uterus area. My upper butt cheeks are a tad bit sore from the progesterone shots, but other than that, I think the shots are worse for DH than me. I plan to head to yoga tonight at 6:00 for my final power class until the baby is born (see--more positive thoughts here!). I will miss it. I did a light practice yesterday evening at home and all the twists and squeezes felt fine, so I am going to push it a bit more tonight. I've also lost all the IVF weight I gained (about 5 pounds), so yeah, I am back to normal. Tomorrow, 9:00am, I get knocked up. How cool.

Hello...I am waiting...(updated)

I said I wasn't going to obsess, but come on already. They said they'd call before noon, and it is 12:29pm and still I am waiting for the day 3 embryo report. Does this mean it's bad news and they're waiting for the RE to get the info to call me? I feel like a 14-year-old here, staring at the phone, waiting for a boy to call.

****
It's now almost 6:00pm, and the clinic never called. Hmmm...tomorrow is Sunday, and I think they monitor on Sundays, so I'll call or drive on over and see. I don't know. Maybe they don't plan to check the embies until Monday's transfer. I dunno. Oh well.

Monday Monday Monday

This morning I went for a blood flow ultrasound, something I hadn't heard of before here on the blogs. They basically do an internal ultrasound with me laying down and then standing up (yes, dildo cam inside of me with the tech holding it between my legs as I stood up---weird weird) and measure the blood flow to my lady parts and uterus. All looked not just good, but great according to the RE. I also had blood drawn to check my E2 and progesterone and again, all is good. So they went ahead and scheduled me for the transfer Monday at 9:00. I have to be there at 8:00 (why, I ask you?) with an empty bladder. After I check in, then I begin filling my bladder for the 9:00 transfer. I am impressed (or something like that) that they are confident about my embryos to just schedule the transfer without looking at them again. I will still get a call tomorrow with their status update, so I'll post more then.

I had my acupuncture appointment today after my RE appointment. I was hoping to be stuck and stabbed in places to help speed up a bowel movement (yes, I haven't had one since Wednesday night!!) but no luck. I am super constipated, probably from the progesterone. Ugh. And the nurse said that I am probably not sleeping because of the Medrol (prednisone). Nice. I have 2 more nights of sleeplessness to look forward to. Yes, I tossed and turned all night and peed every hour. As much as it sounds like I am complaining, I am actually pretty OK with it all. I just want to document this whole experience so I know what to expect for my 5 future successful FETs (yes, that means 6 kids, y'all). I am feeling positive :)

TEN!! Ten is the new number!

Just got off the phone with the nurse at the RE's office. 10 fertilized, and they look good.

I worked myself into a tizzy all day waiting for this call. I am so happy I can't stop crying. I don't think I've happy-cried in a long time. I know there is a long way to go, but this is so so good.

They won't call tomorrow (they won't even check on them!), but they'll give 'em a good look Saturday (day 3) and call with an update.

Oh, and here's a weird/interesting story. I barely slept last night because I was peeing every 30 minutes. Yup, full bladder peeing every half hour or so. Around 5 am it was every hour. WTF? Anyone else experience that? Was I that bloated?

Oh, and my boobies are super! I am tiny (32B) and right now they are so lovely and perky and round!!! Ah, hormones!!!

I am just thrilled right now.

11 is the number

Our retrieval was this morning at 7:30am, and the beautiful number is 11! I feel great, and all is well here. I'll keep you posted when I get the fertilization report tomorrow.

Yeah, Eleven!

Trigger tonight!!

It's finally here! I am waiting for the RE to call back with a time for Wednesday am's retrieval, but it looks like the ovaries kicked it up a bit. I am super happy about the news.

My virgin-IVF self is super excited! I'll post when I find out the final eggie count.

I'm all smiles!!!

Saturday morning at the hip clinic

Today was my morning appointment, and it was less hip than last week. No super clubbing hotties in the waiting room. Just a few scared looking dudes (seriously, I felt so bad for them. The were looking around most of the time with a freaked out look in their faces).

Going into this appointment, I decided I was NOT going to care/think about follie count. However, US tech was extra chipper in interpreting my results. She said, "Looks like you've got 7 good follies!" and I thought, "Shut the hell up!" ha!

Whatever they are, I do not care. My RE dropped my Follistim/Bravelle/Gonal to 150 tonight and 75 tomorrow night. I continue with my Menopur 225 tonight and tomorrow, and add Ganirelex both nights. I go in again Monday for what should be my final US and BW. I think I am triggering Monday night for a Wednesday retrieval.

I can't believe it's almost over. I still feel very little in my ovary region. My left side (the one kicking out the most follies) tugs a bit here and there, but mostly I feel like I am about to get AF or that I have to have a bowel movement. Neither one, of course, is going to happen. I am super regular with this TCM business, so these feelings must be the ovaries. I felt a shit ton worse with clomid/menopur with my IUIs.

I am happy to make enough good and healthy follies for good and healthy eggs, whatever that number is. I'll find out Wednesday, and that's all I can do.

My Slovaries

WTF dear ovaries? Why are you taking so long to grow our eggs?

I've been demoted to 10 follies: two at 14mm, four at 13mm, one at 11mm, two at 10mm, and one at 9mm.

WTF? Now the RE is thinking that we are looking at Wednesday for retrieval.

My acupuncturist yesterday said my pulses are weak and deep, suggesting something internal happening. Duh, no shit. Then she asked if I was eating "cleanly." Yes, I am eating very cleanly, and clearly it's not working.

So now I just opened a bag of popchips (bbq flavor) and a can of soda. Clean eating is clearly not working, so I'm going to be dirty today.

Why am I so angry? Because, once again, my body is not participating in this whole IVF business like she should. grrrrrr

14 and counting

Follie check shows 14 follies now. They've grown just a bit. I've now got 7 on both sides. I am still scheduled to take 225 Follistim and 225 Menopur. My protocol changed because I am working with free meds, so adios to Bravelle and hello to Follistim. I also have gonal-f next, so we'll see if I end up opening that pen.
I feel good, I mean, no ovary pains or anything. Oh, and I skipped yoga last night because I started watching the little couple (reruns I think), and the episodes were about IF. I couldn't pull myself away.

on the 6th days of meds, my RE said to me

Time to order more Menopur! Yup. You know, I started with a mountain of meds, and now I am down to 4 vials of menopur plus the gonal-f pen the clinic gave me and the follistim pen the clinic gave me. I shouldn't complain. It looks like I won't be buying more Bravelle or gonal or follistim, but hell--12 more vials of menopur and that will be another $860. Ouch! Each time I've been shooting up, I think "This injection is worth $400," and then I say "Cheers!" before I stab myself. Really, this is my Vegas. I'd never toss around money like this. (((sigh)))

Sunday I attended one of the most thrilling yoga workshops! I haven't stopped smiling since, and I am planning to shoot up and head to the 8:00pm class tonight. I feel fine. My ovaries aren't kickin' out any pains, so why not? I can still exercise, right? I've googled the piss out of it all day, and my google-ball tells me that it is OK.

Oh, and I celebrated my last day of the semester with NO champagne. I told my coworkers I was getting sick, then proceeded to cough a few fake coughs.

Tomorrow is more monitoring in the am. I'll post more then.

A hot dozen

Today's US showed I have a dozen happy follicles growing! Well, actually the number is 13, but they aren't counting the 15mm cyst that hasn't grown since day 1. Phew! So, my left side has 5: one 9mm, two 7mm, and two 5mm. My right has 7: two 7mm, four 6mm, and one 4mm. Nurse says this looks good, so we are waiting to see the results of my bloodwork to determine tonight and tomorrow's meds. I am scheduled to go in Wednesday for more look-sees.

What is the target number of follies I want or need anyway?

I don't know what to title this as...

Lots today. First, I had my BW this morning. RE says to stay with the 225 of Bravelle and 225 of Menopur. I go back Monday for BW and US. At this rate, I'll be out of Bravelle by Monday and Menopur by Tuesday! Yikes. I plowed throught that free shit!!!

Also, I am using a total of 6 vials of power medicine but only one cc of liquid. By the time I get the powers mixed with the powders, my 1 cc of total liquid is more like .8cc. I asked the nurse about it and she didn't seem concerned. I have been using the q-caps, but tonight I am going to try sucking it up with the needle.

Now, let's discuss this 7:45 AM Saturday morning waiting room. I hope I don't sound too bitchy, but it felt like a sorority party in there! Seriously, I am not exaggerating, but it seemed as though each woman in that room (and there were 8) knew each other and were discussing their Clomid/follicles/weekend. And they all looked like they were dressed for a lunch date, all skinny jeans and boots and cute purses and sweaters. And there I was, hair in a bun, relax-y pants, sports bra, tired, reading a 2009 magazine. Am I not the IVF/IUI type? Am I supposed to get dolled up and bring my latte in during the early morning monitoring appointments? Do these women know each other through the clinic? Are they all neighbors who decided they were going to get knocked up for xmas? What is the protocol? This is not the same RE office I go to in the afternoon. The afternoons are filled with silence and sadness.

On another note, I got AF yesterday, but today is filled with minor irritating cramps and medium flow.

It's on!

I was a bit nervous. They had me waiting until the lab results came back. I saw that big ol follie/cyst on my ovary, but it turns out I'm OK to go. I've only got 5 follies growing. Normally when I was monitored for IUI I had at least 7 at the beginning. Those cycles I went in on day 3, though. Today is only day 2. Hmm.. I asked the RE if we should wait. She said, "Wait for what?" And that basically there's no such thing as a perfect cycle. We can wait a month, but maybe next month something else might come up. She knows this is it for us. She knows that this $10,850 I paid today wiped us out. This is it. She also said we can cancel the IVF and switch to the cheaper IUI if necessary. Then she said she wants me to get pregnant more than I probably do. I bet she says that to all her patients. Nevertheless, I liked hearing that.

My labs results:
E2--32
LH--2.1
FSH--1.9
Progesterone--52

FSH seems really really low, but I guess it's all good. Hmmm..

My protocol is 225 of Menopur and 225 of Bravelle tonight and tomorrow night. I go in for bloodwork on Saturday to see how the dosing is working on my body. Happy stabbing to me!

I can't believe I'm finally here!

'twas the night before my first monitoring appointment for IVF

Yup. If you would have asked me last year if I'd be doing IVF, I'd have said no, mostly because I had no idea what IF had in store for me. In addition, I never thought we'd find money to pay for it. I never believed having children would be this important for DH, and I am extremely lucky to feel closer to DH because of IF. I know; kinda cheesy, but true.

I took my last BC pill yesterday, so today is day 1. I go in for monitoring tomorrow. I can't imagine not being "ready" since I've been on the pill. I hope my ovaries look good (no cysts, please), and my bloodwork is fine. If it is, I start shooting up tomorrow night.

Today was also the first day of no caffeine. And I also made some tasty black bean, squash, zucchini, shitake, and leek tacos, food that my acupuncturist recommends to nourish my qi. And I am drinking my last cold drink, my beloved whole.foods soda water. I am not supposed to be cold or drink or eat anything cool or cold. Only warm or room temperature. Bottoms up!

On a very solemn note, please stop by Gurlee's blog when you can. Her loss right now is hitting me extra hard, and she needs all the love she can get right now during her difficult time. XOXOXO