Today...this morning was a blow-up of huge proportions. My DH and I are like that when it comes to IF related stuff. He never wants to talk about it, or rather, I get the urge to talk and he tends to either 1. listen well (rare) or 2. make some sort of grunt or gesture that says "I am not interested right now." For him, he has this mechanism of only handling X amount of stuff in his mind at one time, and lately, there have been a lot of other things we are dealing with along with IF stuff, such as selling our house, looking for another. He's also a very busy person at his job, and I know the stress of it gets to him.
So, this morning we got some disappointing news about a house we had bid on and were working to short sale it. The deal fell through, and we've had this in the works for months on top of the years we have been taking care of the property due to a negligent homeowner. Boo and hiss. Upon hearing this news, he and I acted disappointed, spoke about a few things, and then I kinda went off. Here's why:
He acted more upset about losing the bid on the house than he ever had dealing with the IF issue. And something inside of me clicked...I mean shut on!!! WTF? I ranted to him about how we keep having disappointments monthly...MONTHLY! I mean, can I get something emotional from him about this? My IF is our life, and most of the time I feel like my IF is only my IF, my problem. His defense was that he thought we were just going to chill out for awhile on the IF issue since we were thinking of buying the new house, etc. WTF? I don't ever remember that conversation.
Most of this craziness is coming from my anticipated visit to the OB on Friday. I think this is the final conversation she and I are going to have concerning my reproductive future. We are finally going to discuss the HSG results and the possible use of Cl.omid. As far as any further IF treatment, I'll need to see an RE which will definately not be covered under my insurance. So many uncertainties, and I am just built to take all of what life throws at me and ingest. Sometimes I wish I could be like DH and tuck some of life's issues away.