Saturday, October 17, 2009

Obesessed? A post in response.

This post is in response to "Obsessed" by


We are XX by nature. The minute we are conceived, our sex determination "allows" us to conceive and carry a child. Then, months later, we are born. It is then that we are gendered female/girl. We are dressed in a pink something or other in the hospital, given a pink tag around our foot, around our wrist. We are told we look "pretty' or "sweet." These terms continue and when we get a bit older, we are given dolls and are told to pretend to be mommies to our doll babies. Some of us are lucky to be given other toys that do not seal our gender, things like guns and trucks and other fun stuff. But mostly, girls/females/XX are told to play house, play dolls, play nice, wear a dress, don't get dirty. Even the tomboy in us is told, at times, to be more "lady-like."

When or if we rebel, we are reverted back to our sex determination, our XX, with the onset of menses. Period. Aunt Flo. The Bitch. Monthly, we are reminded that we can conceive and carry a child. When we get even a bit older, we are careful not to conceive that child just yet, so maybe we quit wearing skirts and playing with dolls, but we are reminded to use protection, get on birth control, keep our legs closed, sit up straight, be feminine. Every month for 7-10 years we are careful not to stain our knickers or stain our reputations.

When it is "time," and we believe we are ready to fulfill our destination, we find our that our gender, our sex, our bodies have deceived us. We are not who we thought we were, and that makes us a bit confused, maybe a bit angry, maybe a bit frustrated. We wonder how or why or what or whatthefuck? Meanwhile, all around us are ladies popping out babies left and right, friends telling us the news that they are "blessed" with a pregnancy?Blessed? (I hate that term because, logically, if someone is blessed with conception, then those of us who don't conceive are not blessed? And then we are spiritually infertile, too?)

For most of us who have the diagnosis of "female infertility," we want answers as to why. Obsession isn't the right word for this. And I am not sure that any one of us IF girls/women have the correct term for it.


Jess said...

WOW! The part about being "not blessed" and "spiritually infertile" gave me a lot to think about. I hate when people say "blessed" as well, though I do think that children are a blessing. It seems like the longer we ttc the more questions we have than answers. Hopefully we can all find some answers soon.

Journeywoman said...

GREAT post.

Circus Princess said...

Love your post.

Ashley said...

Great post, especially the spiritually infertile part. I loathe when people say that, not just about infertility, but anything.

Allison said...

Great, great post, CJ. Thank you for sharing it.

A baby for Al? said...

Great post.

The "blessed" verbiage really gets to me too.

Lut C. said...

Popping in from the crème de la crème list.

Thoughtprovoking your post.
Living in a secular society has the advantage that the word 'blessed' isn't used very often.

I would actually label myself obsessed. My defense is that the desire to procreate is common to all living things. Instinct. But in calling myself obsessed, I'm not speaking for anyone else.
You need a certain degree of persistence to keep going on with treatments (financial limits aside). If not, I suppose you look at other options, which many couples do.

I'm amazed at women who in all earnest say they don't want children and stick to this opinion throughout there lifetime.